Born Amanda Laura Bynes, on Apr 3, 1986, in Thousand Oaks, California, USA. Reportedly 5' 8".

Shortly after the July 2003 edition of Vanity Fair arrived in my mailbox, I was forced to search the web to find out just what a “tween” is. And who Amanda Bynes and Hilary Duff are. And why I should care.

(For those that don’t already know, “tween” is a snigglet forged from “teen” and “between” that refers to “big kids” poised between childhood and adolescence. To my shock, I found that this silly, made-up word is now in fact a legitimate part of the language: there are web pages about “tween marketing”, “medical care for tweens”, and so on.)

After careful research, I’ve concluded that it’s Amanda Bynes, more than any of the other Disney and Nickelodeon-spawned insta-stars, who will matter most in the long run.

But to discuss Amanda Bynes is to also discuss Hilary Duff, as the article scarcely exists that writes about Nickelodeon’s Amanda without mentioning Disney’s Hilary. Especially since the two appear, as other writers have observed, identical:

• Both came to prominence on cable shows that no one but kids, parents, and pedophiles would ever know existed.
• Both came to big screen prominence in movies where they play Frankie Muniz’s love interest.
• Both came to even greater prominence in semi-romantic comedies in which they travel to either London or Rome and become national media sensations.

But there the similarities end. Hilary, like fellow tween queens Mary-Kate and Ashley (I feel absurd just writing “tween queens”) is more properly Hilary Duff, Inc., a brand name to be marketed as aggressively as possible; her acting and singing careers exist primarily to cross-promote her various product lines. Amanda, on the other hand, reportedly takes her comedy career very seriously, does not care to be especially famous, and has no interest in seeing dolls, footwear, cosmetics, and other accessories with her name on them.

Not that any of us truly care about this — or should — as Hilary’s commitment to marketing vs. Amanda’s alleged commitment to craft are backstage subtleties lost on anyone old enough to vote. The real reason why Amanda will be more relevant in a few years is evident to any male with eyes: like Annette Funicello before her, Amanda has the biggest rack of most the tweens. (Well, she’s a distant third after D-cups Lindsay Lohan and Raven, but the rest of the tweens are mostly A-cups at best.) And in the end, having a nice rack, from Australopithecus down to Jennifer Love Hewitt, is all that really matters.

Also sprach Golem.
(More recent commentary below)

Amanda Bynes Grows Up ... As Hilary Duff
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Starting this August, the new Amanda Bynes will be kicking the race to become the old Hilary Duff into high gear with the launch of a new clothing line called “Dear by Amanda Bynes”.... Read more

Amanda Bynes Is Finally Eating Again
Monday, June 4, 2007
I couldn’t be sure when I saw her at the recent VH-1 Young Hollywood Awards, but as of yesterday’s MTV Movie Awards it’s become clear that Amanda Bynes has finally gone off whatever Olsen Twin diet she was on for the last three years and is back on food.... Read more

Mary-Kate, Ashley, and Now Amanda
Thursday, October 7, 2004
It’s not really surprising, I guess: As of today’s TRL, what we all liked about What I Like About You star Amanda Bynes has been starved out of her and flushed down the toilet along with most everything she’s eaten in the last few months, leaving only the unsettling Olsen twin-like shell of her former self behind.... Read more

Tween No More
Saturday, April 3, 2004
Well, it’s official: Amanda Bynes is 18 now, and we no longer have to feel quite so creepy that we even know who she is.... Read more

Of Boobs And Bynes
Sunday, September 14, 2003
For someone who apparently doesn’t want her career to rest primarily on her sex appeal (“I respect actresses who are not like, ‘I’m an adult now — here are my boobs’”), it’s a rare photo of Amanda Bynes where she’s dressed in something that doesn’t say “here are my boobs”, to say nothing of the pants and skirts she wears that barely clear her pubic region.... Read more

Film

• Sydney White (2008) .... Sydney White
• Hairspray (2007) .... Penny Pingleton
• She’s the Man (2006) .... Viola
• Lovewrecked (2005) .... Jenny Taylor
• Robots (2005) .... Piper [voice]
• What a Girl Wants (2003) .... Daphne Reynolds
• Big Fat Liar (2002) .... Kaylee, Jason's Girlfriend

• Arli$$: “Our Past, Our Present, Our Future” (Jun 13, 1999) .... Crystal Dupree

• The Tonight Show with Jay Leno (May 15, 2003) .... Herself
• The Late Late Show with Craig Kilborn (Apr 11, 2003) .... Herself
• The Caroline Rhea Show (Apr 1, 2003) .... Herself
• The Nick Cannon Show: “Nick Takes Over Hollywood” (Feb 8, 2002) .... Herself
• Mad TV (Feb 2, 2002) .... Herself
• Rugrats (2002-) .... Taffy [voice]
• What I Like About You (2002) .... Holly Tyler
• The Drew Carey Show: “Drew Carey's Back-to-School Rock 'n' Roll Comedy Hour” (Sep 26, 2001) .... Sketch Player
• The Nightmare Room: “Don't Forget Me” (Aug 31, 2001) .... Danielle Warner
• Rugrats: Still Babies After All These Years (2001) .... Narrator [voice]
• The Amanda Show (1999; aka “Moody’s Point”) .... Host/Regular Performer
• Blue's Clues: “Blue's Birthday” (Jun 14, 1998) .... Herself
• Donny & Marie (1998) .... Herself
• Figure It Out (1997-2000; aka “Billy the Answer Head”; aka “What Do You Do?”) .... Herself/guest panelist
• All That (1996-2000) .... Regular Performer

• Charlotte's Web 2: Wilbur's Great Adventure (2003) .... Joy [voice]

Cyber Temples

• Amanda Bynes Celebrity Movie Reviews
  Mr. Skin
  Bio, filmography, and stills and clips from her films

Miscellaneous

• Amanda Bynes Filmography
  Internet Movie Database
  Always up-to-date filmography
• Amanda Bynes
  Wikipedia
  Amanda Bynes in wikireality