Born Kelli Brianne Garner, on Apr 11, 1984, in Bakersfield, California, USA. Reportedly 5' 5.5".

From where I’m sitting, Kelli Garner is more or less the new Thora Birch: a cute but underaged-looking girl prematurely blessed with an enormous rack.

Unfortunately, Kelli doesn’t share anything like Thora’s momentary American Beauty fame — or her momentary toplessness — but toils in the obscurity of television appearances, independent film, and off-Broadway. So while I’ve been peripherally aware of her for a long time now, it’s been easy for me to ignore her.

But after seeing her lounge about semi-nude in Thumbsucker and Bully and get groped by the Mac guy in Dreamland — where the reason that her episode in Regular Joe was titled “Boobysitting” is eye-poppingly apparent — I finally had to say “uncle” and add her to this site before she starves away her assets like Thora did — even if adding her makes me seem like an uncle myself — the creepy, molesting kind.

Hey, the heart wants what the heart wants, people.

Also sprach Golem.
(More recent commentary below)

Afterthought
Much to my relief, it turns out that Kelli was actually 21 when she made Thumbsucker, even if she still looked disturbingly younger.

Film

• Red Velvet (2008) .... Linda
• The Six Wives of Henry Lefay (2008)
• Havoc 2: Normal Adolescent Behavior (2007) .... Billie
• Lars and the Real Girl (2007) .... Margo
• Dreamland (2006) .... Calista
• Return to Rajapur (2006) .... Samantha Hartley
• London (2005) .... Maya
• Man of the House (2005) .... Barb
• Thumbsucker (2005) .... Rebecca
• The Youth in Us (2005) .... Alicia
• The Aviator (2004) .... Faith Domergue
• Piggy Banks (2004) .... Archer
• Hometown Legend (2002) .... Josie
• Love Liza (2002) .... Huffer Girl
• Outside (2002) .... The Girl
• Related (2002)
• Bully (2001) .... Heather Swallers
• Time Share (2000) .... Kelly
• Architecture of Reassurance (1999) .... Heather

• This Is How the World Ends (2000) .... Christmas

• Law & Order: Special Victims Unit: “Mean” (Feb 24, 2004) .... Brittany O'Malley
• Regular Joe: “Boobysitting” (Apr 11, 2003) .... Nikki
• Grounded for Life: “Take It to the Limit” (Feb 13, 2002) .... Tracey
• Grounded for Life: “Smoke on the Daughter” (Dec 12, 2001) .... Tracey
• Buffy the Vampire Slayer: “The Body” (Feb 27, 2001) .... Kirstie
• Da Mob: “Lo Fidelity” (2001) .... Melanie Spores [voice]

Cyber Temples

• Kelli Garner Celebrity Movie Reviews
  Mr. Skin
  Bio, filmography, and stills and clips from her films

Miscellaneous

• Kelli Garner Filmography
  Internet Movie Database
  Always up-to-date filmography
• Kelli Garner
  Wikipedia
  Kelli Garner in wikireality