It's embarrassing to say, but I think I'm one of those people who learned most everything they know about life from T.V.

One of my favorite tutors is "Artie" (Rip Torn), the hatchet-faced, egoless producer from The Larry Sanders Show. When "Darlene" (Linda Doucett), the show's dimwitted blonde bombshell, asked him whether or not she should agree to do a photo shoot for Playboy (her immediate boss was pressuring her to do it with the hope that he'd be able to meet Hugh Hefner and plug his restaurant), Artie advised her that (1) she should only do it if she really wants to, not because her boss wants her to, and (2) she, like many people, has a kind of genetically determined career destiny: “You gotta go with your strengths,” he tells her. “Me, I was born with a face that could crack a mirror — so I became a producer.” Darlene, on the other hand, had a face for selling magazines. And sure enough, by the end of the show, Darlene's nude pictorial was being passed around all over the office.

Sound advice. Pamela Anderson may have many talents, but her greatest strength is in her face and cup size, so that's where all her money will be made. Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Yeardley Smith, and the rest of the Simpsons cast have great voices for comedy, but little future as sex symbols. Fine. The world makes sense.

So what's the story with Pamela Segall? Who the hell is she to defy the Newtonian Hollywood World Order?

In case you don't know (and you probably don't), Pamela is a voice actress with no voice and a potential sexpot who never plays one. Her best known recent gig to date is probably Fox's King of the Hill where she serves as the weak, colorless voice of “Bobby Hill”; paradoxically her least known recent work might well be the live-action Eat Your Heart Out, a movie where, for a brief moment, she shows the world what she's been hiding beneath her coveralls and flannel for so long and, more importantly, demonstrates her suitability for higher-profile, better paid sexpot roles. When I saw this movie on cable I thought, “Ah, at long last her career will be set on the path that Nature intended.” But the following year it was back to her usual flannel in Men, and voice work continues to be her steadiest paycheck.

Why does she insist on spiting the Fates this way? God knows. Perhaps she suffers from some sort of Garofalo complex and can't bear to face an audience that's seen her in the buff. Perhaps the success of King of the Hill is making the necessity of less clothing less obvious. Whatever the problem is, let's just hope that it gets resolved quickly, while she's still young.

Also sprach Golem.
(More recent commentary below)

Lucky Pamela
August 1, 2006
After years of voice work anonymity, Pamela has landed a starring role in HBO’s new sitcom Lucky Louie. Having seen only one episode of it myself, I’m not yet sure what to make of it; take away the salty language and constant sexual innuendo, and the low-brow comedy might not have much else to recommend it. (It reminds me a little of HBO’s short-lived sitcom Dream On, which had lots of nudity but few laughs.) It’s also missing something even more important — namely, Pamela’s boobs. Sometime between Some Girls and now, Pamela either starved herself down a few cup sizes, or had her breasts reduced outright. Disappointing.

On the other hand, it’s nice to see Pamela in front of the camera again, so I’ll watch the show a couple more times. Perhaps it’ll grow on me — even with the stunted boobs.

The Ill Fate of Lucky Louie
September 21, 2006
Maybe people are just tired of the “smart woman, semi-retarded husband” formula in sitcoms. Maybe three-camera sitcoms in general are not what people had in mind when they signed on for their cable provider’s pricey “premium package”. Maybe the jokes just weren’t funny enough to compensate for the show’s lack of any clear Hot Chick. Whatever the reason, HBO’s Lucky Louie will not be returning for a second season.

Film

• Teacher’s Pet (2004) .... Trevor/Taylor/Tyler (voice)
• Brother Bear (2003) .... Additional Voice (voice)
• The Trumpet of the Swan (2001) .... A.G. Skinner (voice)
• Recess: School's Out (2001) .... Ashley Spinelli (voice)
• Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust (2000) .... Leila (voice)
• Net Worth (2000)
• Men (1998; aka “Some Girls”) .... Jenn
• Gen 13 (1998) .... Additional Voices
• Waiting for Woody (1998)
• Eat Your Heart Out (1997) .... Samantha
• Fallout (1997) .... Nichole (voice)
• Plump Fiction (1997) .... Vallory
• Sgt. Bilko (1996) .... Sergeant Raquel Barbella
• Bed of Roses (1996) .... Kim
• Father Frost (1996) .... Marphuska
• Two Guys Talkin' About Girls (1995; aka “At First Sight”) .... Tracy
• FernGully: The Last Rainforest (1992) .... Fairy (voice)
• The Adventures of Ford Fairlane (1990) .... 'Pussycats' band
• The Gate II: Trespassers (1990) .... Liz
• After Midnight (1989) .... Cheryl
• Say Anything... (1989) .... Rebecca
• A Family Again (1988) .... Pam
• Willy/Milly (1986) .... Milly/Willy
• Growing Pains (1984) .... Girl Joey
• Grease 2 (1982) .... Dolores Rebchuck

• Breast Men (1997; HBO) .... Margaret

• Californication (2007; Showtime) .... Marcy Rumkle
• Lucky Louie (2006; HBO) .... Kim
• Six Feet Under: “Everyone Leaves” (May 4, 2003) .... Nathaniel/Isabel/Evil Nurse [voice]
• Pepper Ann (1997; Disney) .... Moose Pearson (voice)
• Recess (1997; Disney) .... Ashley Spinelli (voice)
• Spawn (1997; HBO) .... Judy (voice)
• Dalmatians: The Series (1996; Disney) .... Lucky (voice)
• Jungle Cubs (1996; Disney) .... (voice)
• Quack Pack (1996; Disney) .... Dewey Duck (voice)

• Pleasures (1986) .... Claudia
• The Leftovers (1986) .... Jesse
• The Fantastic World of D.C. Collins (1984) .... Tatyana

• Boston Legal: “The Innocent Man” (Oct 2, 2007)Attorney Emma Path
• The Wedding Bells (2007) .... DeDe Stoller
• Squirrel Boy (2006-2007) .... Andy Johnson [voice]
• Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks (2003) .... Hector MacBadger
• What's New, Scooby-Doo?: “Roller Ghoster Ride” (Nov 9, 2002) .... Eddie [voice]
• Lloyd in Space (Apr 7, 2001) .... [voice]
• Major Flake (2001) .... (voice)
• The Oblongs... (2001) .... Milo Oblong, Jared Klimer, the Debbies, others (voice)
• Time Squad (2001) .... Otto Osworth (voice)
• The Wild Thornberrys: “Cheetahs Never Prosper” (Mar 20, 2000) .... Tano [voice]
• Big Guy and Rusty the Boy Robot (1999) .... Rusty, the Boy Robot/Jo (voice)
• Hercules (1998) .... Brutus (voice)
• King of the Hill (1997) .... Bobby Hill (voice)
• Murder One: “Chapter Fourteen” (Feb 12, 1996) .... Amy Scott
• Adventures from the Book of Virtues: “Honesty” (1996) .... (voice)
• Jumanji (1996) .... Rock (voice)
• Duckman: “Ride the High School” (Apr 16, 1994) .... (voice)
• Phantom 2040 (1994) .... Sparks (voice)
• Problem Child (1993) .... (voice)
• Down the Shore (1992) .... Miranda Halpern
• Rugrats: “The Big House” (1992) .... Wiseguy/Crybaby (voice)
• Life Goes On: “Armageddon” (Oct 13, 1991) .... Ruth Beale
• Rugrats: “Angelica's In Love” (1991) .... Dean (voice)
• Rugrats: “The Last Babysitter” (1991) .... Sticky (voice)
• 21 Jump Street: “Old Haunts in a New Age” (Oct 30, 1989)
• Star Trek: The Next Generation: “Who Watches The Watchers” (Oct 14, 1989) .... Oji
• Wiseguy: “High Dollar Bop” (Apr 5, 1989) .... Tanya Medley
• Wiseguy: “The Rip-Off Stick” (Mar 22, 1989) .... Tanya Medley
• Wiseguy: “Dead Dog Lives” (Mar 1, 1989) .... Tanya Medley
• ALF: “Varsity Drag” (May 9, 1988) .... Lori
• The Redd Foxx Show (1986) .... Toni Rutledge
• The Jeffersons: “Try a Little Tenderness” (Dec 23, 1984) .... Stevie
• Night Court: “Bull Gets a Kid” (Nov 8, 1984) .... Andy/Stella
• The Facts of Life (1983-1984) .... Kelly Affinado

• Recess: Taking the Fifth Grade (2003) .... Spinelli (voice)
• The Animatrix (2003) .... Jue (segment “Final Flight of the Osiris”)/Manabu (segment “Beyond”) (voice)
• Recess Christmas: Miracle on Third Street (2001) .... Ashley Spinelli
• The Wacky Adventures of Ronald McDonald: Scared Silly (1998) .... McNugget #1 (voice)

Cyber Temples

• Pamela Segall Nude Celebrity Movie Reviews
  Mr. Skin
  Bio, filmography, and nude stills and clips from her films

Miscellaneous

• Pamela Segall Filmography
  Internet Movie Database
  Always up-to-date filmography
• TrollConcept
  This cable access show-related site has nothing to do with Pamela per se, but its ambitious co-webmistress Norah has a tale of betrayal and innocence lost regarding Ms. Segall — just ask her.
• Pamela Segall
  Wikipedia
  Pamela Segall in wikireality