Sofía Vergara — The Iconophile

Sofía Vergara

Click here for Sofía Vergara’s

Images
(917)

Profane Clips
(36)

Sacred Clips
(1)

Posters

Filmography

Other Sites

Back to

Born Sofia Margarita Vergara, on Jul 10, 1972, in Barranquilla, Colombia. Reportedly 5' 7".

One of the cheesier cliches of history classrooms in high schools throughout the nation is that in nearly every one of them — like Bibles in a hotel room — a placard can be found bearing Santayana's famous observation: “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” But from what I can make out of the “competition” between Univision and Telemundo, it seems that this is not a tradition shared by the middle schools of Mexico.

Back in the days of yore, long before Teletubbies and the endless reels of World War II footage rolled on The History Channel, A&E, and all the rest, there were Sesame Street and the endless reels of World War II footage rolled on PBS, a channel dedicated to “quality television”. Eschewing the racier fare of the ratings-driven networks, PBS had few viewers and little income except for its grants. But with the rise of the basic cable package, there suddenly came a flood of channels doing the same thing PBS had been doing, and PBS found that it had lost its monopoly on shows that no one watched. The old battle cry of “quality television” began to be drowned out by the sound of late-night B-movies and recycled shows from VH-1 and A&E airing along with the more traditional Nova documentaries and hand-me-downs from the BBC. Sex and fluff equal ratings, PBS learned, though it looks like they may have learned it too late.

Until recently I was under the impression that most foreign TV broadcasters — particularly the Hispanic variety — held fewer illusions about the wants of their viewing public than their pledge-driving brethren in the United States. Such was the impression I got when I first discovered Odalys García, the bosomy, dressed-for-ratings co-host of Univision's Lente Loco, for soon after I learned that nearly all the women on that channel — soap stars, variety show hosts, news anchorwomen — are built and dressed much the same way, culminating, perhaps, in Columbian-born eye-heroin Sofía Vergara, the addictive animadora of A Que No Te Atreves (“I Dare You”). I probably didn't know one Spanish-language channel from the next back then, but after reading a few articles and having a gander at the message boards on Univision's website, I learned that not all TV stations with a trilled r are the same:

Univision, one of the two main broadcasters in the U.S. aimed at the Hispanic market, is widely regarded as a pandering purveyor of mediocrity, offering little more than an endless parade of bimbos with ever-increasing bra sizes.

Telemundo, the other principal station, while no PBS, is believed by many to offer better quality programming — at least in comparison to Univision. Telemundo has its share of beautiful women, but it's a much smaller share, and in any case its women compare to the women of Univision like the women of Lifetime compare to the women of the Playboy channel.

Univision commands some 85% of the Spanish-speaking audience in the United States.

The lesson here, of course, is the same one that PBS had to learn the hard way — that the three Rs of successful broadcasting, trilled or not, are: hooters, hooters, and hooters. I don't know if Sesame Street is still on the air these days, but I remember that when it was, it would often be in both English and Spanish. Perhaps if it came in a fully Spanish version, Telemundo would have known better than to overestimate its target audience like PBS did for so long and pack its programming with Sofía Vergaras of its own.

Also sprach Golem.
(More recent commentary below)

Soul Plane
May 28, 2004
Sofía’s new film starts today. From the look of it, I think I'll wait and catch it when it comes to cable.

Sofía Off the Air
December 6, 2005
It’s a sad fact that some people lead such unremarkable lives that no one becomes aware of them until their deaths are announced in the papers. So it is with ABC’s Hot Properties, an unremarkable Sex & the City clone starring Sofía Vergara that even I was unaware of until its cancellation was announced.

SOFÍA OR ODALYS:
Which Is The One True Faith?

Silly as it is, the Sofía vs. Odalys question is frequently and passionately debated on the Univision message boards, and a question that's been put to me from time to time ever since I put the two animadoras on my site. So here's my two cents on the subject: Both women are clearly gorgeous, but if you only ever see Sofía in pictures, it'd be easy to be no more impressed with her than you might with any other buxom blonde model; Odalys has a somewhat more unique look to her. (Maybe it's the chubbier cheeks, but her face seems less “model-like” to me.) On the other hand, Sofía is a lot more charismatic, especially on TV; she has a Carmen Electra-like charm whereas Odalys is simply a beautiful but wooden straight man. (Her contribution to the show consists of little more than you-so-crazy “¡Ay Raymond!”s.)

So there it is: Odalys looks better in still photography (where her lack of charisma isn't so important), but Sofía definitely wins out on TV.