Coroner’s Report

Denise Richards in “The World Is Not Enough”

I don’t remember it standing out so much in Starship Troopers or Wild Things, but when I finally got around to watching The World Is Not Enough on cable, the ugly truth was too glaring to ignore: Beautiful though Denise Richards may be, the girl simply cannot act.

Or rather — since I didn’t remember noticing her acting ability in the first two films — let’s just say that there are limits to her versatility as an actress.

Not that this should pose any real problem as far as her career goes. Every actor has his talent, after all — hers is looking good naked. She may have other talents, to be sure, but since she first became famous for nudity, nudity is what her audience will expect of her in all future films. (Whenever I enter a new title into her filmography, the only question I’m ever asked from anxious fans is, “Is she naked in this one?”)

Which means that Denise better get over that “Now That I’m a Bond Girl I Can Be Taken Seriously As an Actress” syndrome that kept Tanya Roberts’ career in a coma for so many years and whip those clothes off as soon as she can come the next wide-release picture she does — assuming she gets that chance again. Otherwise she’ll just have to hope that in twenty years she gets lucky and someone tosses her a minor role in That ’90s Show.