Porn Star Riley Steele Publicly Motorboats Kelly Brook’s Boobs

Got milk? Riley Steele helps herself to a face full of Kelly Brook.

And you, too, can spontaneously and publicly nuzzle, suckle, or otherwise handle Kelly Brook’s ample breasts. Of course, certain restrictions apply:

Your own hotness must be of equal or greater value to Kelly’s (see Riley Steele, q.v., for reference);

Riley Steele
Your own fame must be of equal or greater value to Kelly’s (at least in certain circles, e.g., porn-watching circles);
You must have a vagina, and have been born with it. Being gay, even famously gay, doesn’t count. (Witness backlash regarding Isaac Mizrahi-Scarlett Johansson breast-groping.)

Scarlett Johansson getting her Golden Globes groped by Isaac Mizrahi

It also helps if you share a few scenes with her in the movie you’re working on (e.g. Piranha 3D, the movie Riley Steele is currently filming with Kelly Brook).

Unfortunately, this rules out most everyone who would ever want to motorboat Kelly Brook’s boobs.

Sorry. I don’t make the rules. I just report them.