Oh My Friggin’ God, It’s Megan Fox! (And Not in a Good Way)

Megan Fox on the cover of this month’s British GQ

The vacancy left some years ago by Angelina Jolie had to be filled by somebody, I realize, but is Megan Fox really The One?

Certainly she seems tailor-made for the position: like Angelina, she’s a pretty, light-eyed, arch-browed brunette with an increasing number of tattoos and a media-friendly tale of bisexuality from way back when. The parallels weren’t lost on Warner Brothers, which tapped her to be Angelina’s replacement for Tomb Raider 3 (a role Megan turned down).

Megan on the set of Jonah Hex

On the other hand — possibly because of her apparent aversion to food (director Michael Bay had to order her to gain ten pounds for Tranformers 2), possibly because of her stiffer, less charismatic screen and camera presence — Megan Fox never looks convincingly real to me; she looks more like a Sim than a person, better suited to be the Hot Chick in Polar Express 2 than Transformers 2.

Sim Megan

And what with the public’s head being forced down in the Megan Fox media trough recently by the Transformers publicity machine (is there a magazine cover she’s not on this week?), what had been mild indifference for me is now turning into gagging revulsion.

I realize that I might be the only person in the civilized world who doesn’t have a hard-on for Megan Fox — or so the Megan media blitz has led me to believe — but at least I’ll have more company in five or ten years, when Megan starts adopting kids from around the globe and people begin talking about when she used to be hot.