Nice rack on that broomstick!

Monica Bellucci in “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice”

As I recall, there were three characters in the “Sorcerer’s Apprentice” segment from Fantasia: the sorcerer, the apprentice, and the broomsticks. Guess which one Monica Bellucci and her cleavage are playing in the upcoming remake.

Why, Balthazar’s love interest, Veronica, of course.

Who?

And ... who?

Mickey Mouse in the original “Sorcerer’s Apprentice”

Yes, it seems much has changed in the storyline since the 1940 version: Instead of an apprentice who gets in over his head by donning his master’s magic hat and trying to cut corners with his janitorial duties, we have a Buffy-like scenario with a sorcerer who trains a protégé to help him in his life-and-death struggle against the forces of evil in modern-day Manhattan.

Of course, with so many changes to the story, the question must be asked: Why still call it The Sorcerer’s Apprentice? Why not just make it it’s own movie, if only to avoid the appearance of creative bankruptcy? I mean, three remakes of the same movie (Escape/Race to Witch Mountain), four movies based on amusement park rides (The Haunted Mansion, Pirates of the Caribbean), and now a live-action re-imagining of a classic cartoon short that has little to do with the original — how does Disney Corp. seriously expect the public to stand by while it cynically and openly skull-rapes the cryogenically preserved remains of —

Ooh, look! Boobies!

...

... Um ...

...

What was I talking about just now?

Oh.

New movie with Monica Bellucci FTW!