Salma Hayek Knocked Up

“I keep waiting to meet a man who has more balls than I do,” Salma Hayek once said. And now, it seems, she’s not only found such a man, but is carrying his kid.

She’s also engaged to marry him. She could do worse: The groom-to-be is businessman Francois-Henri Pinault, the current CEO of Pinault-Printemps-Redoute, which owns high-end labels such as Gucci, Yves Saint Laurent, Balenciaga, and Stella McCartney.

But what does this tentative merger between a retail barron and the daughter of a wealthy oil company executive mean to the rest of us?

On the downside, it means that the days of Salma’s onscreen nudity are probably over, as it’s a rare woman whose breasts can stay camera-ready after the nursing period.

But on the upside, it also means that the already generously endowed Salma may, for a time, be sporting proportions to rival Japanese gravure models.

Yoko Matsugane

Silver lining, perhaps, but would anyone really complain?