Heavy Is the Chest That Wears the Boobs

Sascha Knopf in the November 2001 issue of Arena

For every unbelievable bustline in Hollywood, there’s an equally unbelievable creation myth to explain it.

Salma Hayek, for example, related on Letteman how she, as a flat-chested child, dipped her hands in holy water at a miracle-granting church and asked the Almighty for a nice rack — which was not out of line as it sounds, seeing as God obviously smiled on her request. Shannon Elizabeth, ever denying her surgeon’s handiwork, is quick to say that her mother is hefting around even bigger breasts than Shannon, and that it should therefore not be so difficult for the world to believe along with her that her breasts are every bit as real and convincing as her accent in American Pie. And former Playmate Petra Verkaik, while not accounting for the origins of her enormous bosom per se, does have a story about how they once saved her from being crushed to death by a VW Beetle.

Sascha Knopf in FHM
Sascha Knopf’s considerable assets, too — though natural — might look to some like they have some explaining to do — especially in some of her earlier pictures, where they didn’t seem all that convincing when I first saw them. And the story behind them, according to her, is nearly as old as she herself is: “I developed early,” she says, “Like ten years old.” But where Salma prayed to get them, Sascha might have prayed to be rid of them. “I used to wear big sweatshirts to hide my chest,” she told FHM. “The boys always made fun.” When I asked her to elaborate, she explained that “I looked different [from] the other kids. I would lie [about] my age during summer camp to be older so I would be more comfortable with the older groups. I never learned how to play tennis because everyone would point at me and laugh. It was really traumatic.”

Fortunately for the rest of us, Sascha seems to have gotten over the trauma, and for the time being there’s no shortage of photos and vidcaps of the twin sources of all the trouble. But for how long? Sascha is still far from famous, and until that changes she’s free to be as naked as she likes, but she does plan to one day be tearfully thanking the Academy — and that, as frequenters of The Iconophile well know, is usually the beginning of the end for an actress’ nudie pix, and sometimes for her career altogether. All too often actresses who become famous for looking good naked stop being naked once they get a hit movie (since they’re respectable actresses now, and should only be looked at for their talent), with the result that public interest in them drops and scripts become few and far between. So it was with Tanya Roberts and Uma Thurman. So it’s becoming with Denise Richards. And so it’ll soon be with Shannon Elizabeth once the buzz from American Pie wears off and Shannon’s decision to keep her clothes on from now on becomes generally known.

But will Sascha succumb to this depressingly familiar pattern as well? Will the nudity and other displays of sexuality end when her Hollywood fame begins?

Sascha Knopf in “What’s the Worst That Could Happen?”
It’s hard to say. Certainly she’s concerned about relying too heavily on her sex appeal, and has even entertained curtailing the boob count. “I would like to be a bit more choosey about showing the goods in the future,” she says, “For better films than I have been in this far.” Still, she seems to have a more positive attitude toward screen sexuality than the likes of Tanya and Uma, for whom sexuality is a base commodity to be abandoned as soon as feasible, an alien thing not to be counted as part of their overall talent: “I think if you’ve got it, flaunt it,” Sascha muses, “Yes, until they don’t want to see it anymore.” Whether or not one has any other talent will be apparent to anyone watching — and she’s confident that her own talents will be just as apparent. Sex and talent are great when they appear in a single package, but if all one has going is sex, then those clothes had better stay off. “I think girls like the American Pie bimbo,” Sascha frankly asserts, “get to be ‘famous’ for their bods, and [for them to] say they won’t do it anymore because they’re too good is ridiculous. She can’t act. Why else would anyone use her? But if you’ve got it all in one — like, say, Angelina Jolie — well, that rocks!”

And does Sascha have it all in one? Can she be talented and nude all at once? She may very well. Hopefully she’ll get the chance to prove it.